# 2025-03-12

some thoughts about masculinity and domestic labor...

i know a lot of men who don't take on a fair share of mental load. their conception of what makes a man a man is based on being a provider, whatever that means.

my definition of masculinity is also being a provider, but with a loose, flexible definition of 'provide.'

providing goes beyond material needs. men (fathers, husbands) should also provide:

- mental space
- empathy
- partnership

there's also not a small number of men i know who rate their performance of husband/father by their willingness to do violence to defend their family.  i have found that doing the fucking dishes has done far more for my family's day-to-day well-being than preparing for home defense.

it's not that that isn't valuable or important. it's just, by several orders of magnitude, not something i need to do to increase my family's well-being.

for every dry-fire drill you do, you'd be better off looking around your living room and finding some garbage that needs to be thrown away.