WAITING
(Posted 2007-05-29 14:02:33 by ArchPaladin)

I know all has been quiet here lately.  I know I'm entitled to post
whenever I feel like it, but people get used to a certain schedule, and I
myself would like not to break that.  It's hard to know what to say.  It
seems like a lot of things have been happening, but very little has been
accomplished - like I've been spinning my wheels but not moving very far.

ILMA still has no home, and nothing has really progressed down that road
for a while now.  I have yet to re-muster any motivation to resume looking
for a location.  Last Friday I was given the official bestowal of
headmaster from the school's board of advisers, and with that came the belt
and chops I am to use.  Despite the effort and ceremony that went into
this, and despite my gratitude to those involved, it still feels somewhat
hollow.

Looking for a new place to live is starting to pick up a little.  We have a
couple of apartments to look at that could be promising.  I am also trying
to get in contact with a lender to see if purchasing a house is an actual
possibility or not.  I would rather do this and feel compelled to try, but
the timing seems wrong and my gut reaction is to let this avenue drop.

I've been very conscious of the fact that I have to spend money on car
repairs and insurance, furniture, dental care, appliances, and new computer
related things for the move.  I have the money, but only just.

I've been waiting for something big to happen, but everything seems slow to
pick up.  I have been riding a wave of useful developments for some time
now.  I wasn't quite ready for it to stop, and I don't want to move on to
some other project in the meantime because all of these are rather pressing
matters.

I get into these types of lulls and I pray for stuff to keep developing,
but I always get very subdued answers and I get the feeling that I'm
supposed to wait.  I know intellectually that times like these are
necessary to regroup and consolidate for one's own mental sanity, to
reassure oneself that things don't spiral out of control.  I also know
intellectually that times like these are necessary so that God can arrange
the appropriate chain of events so that when things do happen, they are
exactly what is needed.  Knowing these things intellectually, however,
isn't sufficient.  I don't expect God to keep my schedule, but the waiting
is very maddening.

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