250503						3:46PM EST

welp. here i am again. much has happened in the last eight months,
not that it tends to feel like it day to day, as someone with a
bad habit of barely leaving the house and being chronically jobless.

my first furry convention came and went back in december, which is
quite an experience after having hung around that strange corner of
the internet since 2008. the comedown sure is real, though. 

before i could get over the post-con blues, tyra drove back up from
kentucky so we could spend new years together and hopefully do some
more recording, only at home this time instead of in a $75 hotel room.
wish i could say that went well.. but lack of sleep, desperate mania,
chemically engineered kentucky gas station fake-weed and a disposition
towards taking whatever pills are handed to me doesn't mix well with
a fragile grasp on sanity, to make a long and crushingly embarrassing
story short.

i stopped talking to her for the most part after that. i wasn't upset
with her, so much as too ashamed to face the person who witnessed my
second full on psychosis of the year. i ended things officially
a month or so later, trying to move on from what i've never been able
to forget for so much as a day since.

it felt like the only responsible choice at the time, since i'm far
from healthy enough to hang around someone who set off the inner 
drug fiend in me. now i'm not so sure.

i got a message on the 9th last month, from a guy on steam she had
once convinced to buy me webfishing so we could all play together.
i knew she hadn't been doing well, from what i had seen on twitter.
she'd been through another relationship or two since me, played live
a few times, which i had been jealous of to be honest.

to jump to the point, she took so many pills that she had a seizure.
but that's not what the message was about. faced with a choice of
psych ward or rehab, she found a third option.

she's dead. and i'm still not really over that. days go on, and the
thought stings a little less over time, but i know it still hurts
even if the pain of it gets slowly plastered over out of necessity.

yeah.. so. that's how this year's going, so far.