15th August 2023 - Funeral Times
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Yesterday was spent at my Grandma's funeral. She died 2 or so weeks 
ago in a quiet manner after not really eating or drinking for the past 
4 months. My Grandma had been suffering from vascular dementia for 6 
or so years although managed to stay in her home thanks to carers 
until the last 5 months. The day I realised that the woman I loved had 
changed significantly was when she went grey. If she was well, she 
would never of not dyed her hair. I still have no idea what her 
natural hair colour was. I am not sure my mum knows really. 

My response to the call that she had died was very matter of fact and 
there was relief that she had stopped suffering. The last time I 
visited, she was just lying in bed in the dark. There was a response 
but she was not able to really concentrate. Luckily my brother was 
there and went into his work mode. He works as a pharmacist in care 
homes so is used to patients in her condition. Following that, there 
were tears but weird tears. 

Thankfully, my Grandma had sorted her funeral out. It was all paid for 
and her wishes written down. The ceremony was delightfully simple, 
quick yet touching. She wouldn't of wanted a fuss and was not 
religeous at all. The crematorium was actually a lovely place to be 
in. It was fairly modern with simple decoration and lots of light. The 
seats faced a window showing the local landscape. Suitably wild to 
help give the eyes somewhere to focus while fighting back tears. I am 
a soppy sod who struggles when I see people sad in an environment 
which drips with sadness. I was doing well until my uncle started 
talking and I was proud of him. Thankfully my brother was there too 
with his nearly 1 year old daughter. There was a fair bit of her 
taking the order of service from me and passing it to her mum and vis 
versa. There was even an occasional poking her dad in the eye with it 
as well. My neice did well and kept quiet until half way through. 
Sadly she wanted to make some noise and so my sister in law had to run 
off with her. At the end, you typically find the coffin is removed 
from the room. There are a couple of methods. The worst is when it 
decends down on a lift. Typically it is done with a curtain hiding 
while it rolls away. With my Grandma it stayed there so we all had to 
file past. I think if I was expecting it, it would be fine. But no, it 
was a surprise and that drove the tears to fall. Bleurgh. I am sure I 
could get a job as a professional wailer although I am probably not 
dramatic enough for that. 

The reception went well. Once again I used my neice as a great social 
awkwardness shield. She is a smiley chap who squeals with joy all the 
time. She still has no hair. Well there is some small bits of blonde 
hair appearing but it is hard to see and mostly at the back. There was 
plenty of talking to various relatives and it was a nice spread. 
Suitably beige as all such buffets should be. Token tomatos to make 
people feel healthier. Following the reception bit, the family 
decamped back to my Grandma's house. I got to spend more time with my 
neice of course. She is walking although mostly while holding on to a 
finger. She has taken steps without any support but she had decided 
that life is easier on all 4s. I will be seeing her again this coming 
weekend as my parents are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. 
Looking forward to seeing everyone in happier times! 

For professional wailing, please contact stug@sdf.org for the latest 
rates and availability. Will work for beer and suitably beige food.