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DATE: 2019-05-13
MOOD: CONTEMPLATIVE
MUSIC: ANOTHER MAN'S SHOES BY DREW HOLCOMB

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I read xiled's latest phlog post [0] and it got me thinking.

At times, I feel the conflict between rebelious teen and adult self
too. It's one reason I am dragging my feet with getting real work done
because my teen self wants to just fuck around like I did in high
school. I don't need to get anything done because why should I? I could
just work on the things I want to do, like random programming, watching
videos, and generally just a lot of nothing.

Of course, I have my adult self too to contend with. This is the side
of me that needs to be valued and respected by others. The side that
invests in myself, that looks out for how to become a professional in
my field. The side that looks out for future opportunities and doesn't
let my personal connections with others fester.

I am also affected by others who have this conflict. One of my
coworkers has all of a sudden cut communication with us. For them, the
teen self seems to say "something bothered me so I'm just going to cut
it out of my life." I don't know what exactly their real thought
process is, so it's hard to say whether they really are having a
conflict like this or not.

Then there's my fiance who has her own rebelious attitude and this
shows through overdrinking. In this sense, the teen self is largely
influenced by her upbringing, where she was taught to avoid emotions
and drink away any problems. We are getting through this issue though.
Then the adult self is telling her that to be a professional, she has
to go back to school and struggle with it and then she'll be able to
get the job she wants. The only trouble is that the teen self
resurfaces when she is at school, the self that says "I don't have to
be held down by homework. I just won't do it." And so, her conflict
continues.

I don't have any larger scale thoughts on this. I guess I prefer to
take a hands off approach to most of these, because at the end of the
day, I don't fully know what's going on. With my coworker, it seems
clear that this didn't just happen overnight; it's been building. With
my fiance, it feels like a lack of impulse control during stressful
situations, and as much as I try to help, there's no guarantee that it
ever will if she's not ready to tackle it.

Hence the music I opened the post with whose lyrics are below.
"Everyone's got their own set of troubles" is very true and it's
impossible to judge others without really knowing what they're going
through. And sometimes, that information is unatainable.

So then I just try to go with the flow and take it easy.

[0]: gopher://sdf.org/0/users/xiled/phlog/2019/20190512_teenage_rebellion

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Artist: Drew Holcomb
Album: Ten Years, Ten Songs, Solo Acoustic
Song: Another Man's Shoes

Play your rock n' roll on the stereo, push the cruise control,
disappear into the groove.
Take the photograph, try to make it last, then the awkward laugh,
doesn't make it true.
Everyone's got their own set of troubles.
Everyone's got their own set of blues.
Everyone's got their own set of struggles.
Walk a mile in another man's shoes.
In her rocking chair, playing with her hair, singing in the air, a
midnight tune.
She can't fall asleep, heart is on her sleeve, waiting on a call, it
never comes through.
Everyone's got their own set of troubles.
Everyone's got their own set of blues.
Everyone's got their own set of struggles.
Walk a mile in another man's shoes.
If you ain't learned that by now, go ahead and walk another mile.
Everyone's got their own set of troubles.
Everyone's got their own set of blues.
Everyone's got their own set of struggles.
Walk a mile in another man's shoes.

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