I'm new.  Don't know what I'm doing- sorry.

I'll learn.

My father died 3 days ago.

I don't expect I will have too many interesting things to say here. 
Selfishly, it is an inspiration to journal regularly, thinking that it 
could be for some purpose other than my own reading.

I found out while on vacation in France.

I had a feeling days before that it would happen soon. I made the decision 
that if it did, then I would stay in France.

The funeral is on Sunday.

I regret that I won't be there, but I also don't regret it.

My father had 5 children, with 3 different wives.

We are each burying a different father.

I may not be the only child convinced that only I know who we are burying.  
Still, I think I am the only one.

He was a mirror to me, that I did not like to see.

And yet, I do not have the ability to be completely unlike him.

And that is why I hated the mirror, yet I did love him dearly as he was, 
even though he was never what I wanted him to be.

I hope it is just my imagination - it would have been easier for us if he 
were truely bad, because if he wasn't, he must have suffered, and life 
wasn't so difficult for him.

But I know he wasn't, and I know how much he suffered in life.

And I don't think anyone else does.

I hope he took comfort knowing that I also existed, and that I also have 
suffered in the same manner, because other than myself, he would have felt 
very alone.