This is my public journal as opposed to my private journal.  
Here is where I express private thoughts that I don't mind sharing.
Mostly, it's just a place where I don't focus on a subject, or 
share with any purpose.  Nothing clever to say...

10-29-2025
I am very happy this week because 1) my physical fitness is in peak form.
2) my spiritual life is in good form.  3) my family life is in good form.
I am also very happy because one of my oldest friends gave me the source
code to two 5-axis post-processors written in FORTRAN.  It started as
pure F77, and still is mostly F77, but over the years, Larry switched to
using the PG Fortran compiler so basically all the variables are declared
in non-FORTRAN standard syntax.  This wouldn't be a problem if I could
still get pgf95 for windows, but I'm having trouble getting the linux
compiled code to work in windows.  At any rate, it has always been the
algorithms that interested me because I already write post-processors
using other languages, though I am really considering writing one again
from the ground up using FORTRAN as there is just something pure about it
versus using BASIC or C and definitely not using python...

Thinking of the distant future for when I retire and need a little
scratch...and hoping there's still a need...it seems for whatever reason
there is less and less need as smaller shops use CAM systems with
built-in post-processors, or pay big bucks to big companies to build
them.

09-18-2025
It is a bit of a conundrum when my unhappiness which occurs when I seem
to perceive things I am taught are hurtful when others seem to express
them to me - jealousy, competitiveness, unkindness, ingratitude, even
hate - are hateful to me because I am perceiving only the worst part of
them - their ego (which I believe is called satan in the bible), but it
is hateful to me only because I am perceiving it with my own ego.
Therefore, much like quantum physics, the act of my own observation is
what changes the state of what I am observing, and also much like quantum
physics, the observation I make after the fact (future) affects the state
of what happened in the past.  I wonder if the solution is to vigilantly
refuse to participate in the collective "ego" which only can perceive
things which separate us and make us unequal, and rather perceive only
what is real.  Which is complete and total equality, complete and total
unity.  It seems that perceiving the lie, makes the observer just as much
of a liar by his/her participation in acknowledging what isn't even
really happening.  It is difficult, but this is the only way that I can
be happy in my current situation.  It requires a lot of me, and yet, it
requires me to see truth, as there is no lie I can live which will give
me peace.  It is more mandatory to me because of my situation, yet even
were I living in a perfect world, this would still be better.  Win-win
situation from a lose-lose.


08-16-2025
I woke up happy this morning.  I am 6 hours north for a trans wedding.  I
do not have any trans friends and only know my niece who is trans.  We
are very close and talk generally at lest once a week.  Although I do not
like the idea of pronouns, and I don't (yet) believe in them as to me it
is very bad english, and would be impossible in a language like french,
in this journal entry I will use the pronouns for the sake of clarity. My
niece and I are very close.  Last night there was a pre-wedding party.  I
really enjoyed it and found myself surrounded by people who (contrary to
my previous judgement - and I do believe that all judgements and
perceptions are always, in the absolute form incorrect, was indeed
incorrect) are very genuine.  I frankly stated to all at my table that I
had been very nervous about this event because I do not know any trans
people, that I work alone for 20 years, am disconnected from the
internet, deliberately isolated, no smart phone, and therefore ignorant
about the subject, and don't even believe in it.  The reaction was good.
They were really willing and happy to answer questions.  Conversation was
really good.  I am happy because I look forward to asking more questions,
not just to challenge them, but to also challenge myself.  So far, the
answers only serve to prove my philosophy perfectly coexists with theirs,
even thought they may seem at odds, each reinforces the other.  My ideas
make them smile, and their ideas make me smile.  Not in condescension,
but in agreement and joy.  We shared love.