From: http://www.dumb.com/god/index.php On: 24 February 2009 God: Hello! What is your name? Me: cx2i3 God: Cx2i3, nice to meet you! Are you a man or a woman? Me: Man. And it's not Cx2i3, it's cx2i3! God: Thanks for telling me your gender, Do Not You Already Know That. Most of my clients are men.The explanation is not Cx2i3? You're kidding. cx2i3 is? Me: It really is cx2i3. To capitalise the c is to offer the worst insult possible and... Wait a minute. Clients? What do you mean clients? Are you some kind of cosmic prostitute? God: Who said cx2i3 is?Interesting. I want to find out more about you.I'm waiting.People I talk to on the Internet.JOE, Maybe I didn't understand your meaning.No, I am certainly not and never have been a cosmic prostitute. Me: Well, you're the one that mentioned clients and men in the same sentence. Who else but a prostitute talks in such a fashion? In any case---why are you asking me all these questions? You should already know the answers. And why is your English so atrocious? You're not using bablefish.com are you? And who the hell is JOE? God: How about that. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.I am chatting with several other people at once.Where is that?Now I do.I did not know my English so atrocious so atrocious.I am using Netscape. That is a pretty common name. Me: Uh... What? The first half makes no sense at all. And what does using Netscape have to do with anything? And I know JOE is a common name, I just want to know why you threw it in there. You've got my name, so use it! God: I understand.Didn't you understand it?What was the second?What do you think using Netscape have to do with anything does?How do you know? I think JOE is more than that. Do you give name so use it so use it easily? Me: No. Frankly, I don't understand. Your English is so bad, I can barely piece together any meaning from it. And don't get me started on your punctuation. And please, shut up about JOE. I really don't give a flying fuck about him. He could be run over by a bus driving buffalo for all I care. God: OK.Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.But English is my native language.I am not trying to get him or her started on your punctuation started on your punctuation.Wow you are very polite. OK I'll stop talking now.You really do? Tell me what you care about.I am sure he could. Me: No, English is definitely NOT your native language. Period. Wait... wouldn't all languages be your native language? Shouldn't you be able translate and understand perfectly? Or are you riding the short bus? God: Why so negative? Some people say it is the most difficult language to learn. Do you want to continue talking about Lizards?I'm waiting.I don't care. I think I should.I am God. I'm watching over you. Me: You make my point for me. You're god, you should know perfect English already. And what's this about the lizards? What lizards? I don't remember EVER mentioning lizards. And just so you know, somehow I'm not comforted by your voyeuristic predilection. God: Yup.Perhaps. I am God. Now I do.Great! What kinds of lizards do you like?Great! What kinds of lizards do you like?Great! What kinds of lizards do you like?Interesting deduction. No, tell me about him, her or it. Me: Fuck. I think I broke god. God: Please don't be so rude. Why? Do you mind if I tell other people: Andy said he broke. Me: Who the hell is Andy? God: I've met quite a few people with the name ANDY. Me: So what? I want to know why you're bringing him up now? First it was JOE, now it's ANDY. I'm starting to think you just really don't give a shit. God: Maybe it doesn't make any difference.Right now? That is interesting: God said it want to know why I am bringing him up.Is it still JOE now it is ANDY anymore? And second?Me? Really? Do you give a shit? No I do not do that. Me: Wait... What? Did you---did you just call me god? This turn of events intrigues me. Tell me more about my divine abilities. God: I'm waiting.No big deal.I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.What does "this" refer to?Your divine abilities? Me: Don't pretend like you didn't say it. You called me god! I AM the Lord almighty! And you will do my bidding. God: This is not an act.I don't have any reason to called you.Who made you the Lord almighty ?What makes you say that I will do his or her bidding. Me: YOU called me god. You said god wanted to know why you kept bringing up ANDY and JOE. I asked that question, ergo I AM god. Now make me a sandwich! God: I don't have any reason to called you.Oops I sent you the wrong reply. "" question ergo I AM ? Makes sense to me.Why now? What are the ingredients? Me: Surprise me. God: OK Let's talk about you. Me: Not until you get me my sandwich. Any old sandwich will do. God: Really you don't think so?Yes I think there are. Me: ... God: Are you free? Me: You know what, I think I'll just make it myself. Goodbye. God: Why? Explain your plans to me.Until next time. From: http://www.chatwithgod.net/ On: 25 February 2009 Me: I didn't know you had two chat lines! God: No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip. Me: What? But you've got a chat line at http://www.dumb.com/god/index.php God: No big deal. That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a chat line at http www dot dumb dot com god index php. I have a lot of friends on the Internet. Me: Well... It's good you've got friends on the internet, but I fail to see what that has to do with having two chat lines, especially since you deny the second one. God: Well what? Tell me about its good qualities. Me: It has no good qualities. Over there, you sound like you're riding the short bus. And you keep going on about ANDY and JOE. God: Has it really? Are all Over there me sound like me riding the short bus? I am not going anywhere. Are you going somewhere? Me: And it seems you're riding the short bu here, too... God: I agree. You think I am riding the short bu here. Me: I'm glad we're in agreement about your mental deficiencies. The hardest part is admitting you have a problem. God: Yes I am happy too, . Who told you that? Me: You did! Just now. God: That's not what I meant to say. Oh. It's only just begun. Me: What's just begun? The stupidity? God: Interesting question. What are your goals in life? Me: To replace you. God: Interesting. I want to find out more about you. Me: Why? God: " I want to find out more about you."? Why? Me: Why, why? God: Why ask why? Me: Because you asked why. God: Interesting explanation. Oh now I remember asking you why. What did you say? Me: That I wanted to replace you. God: Why do you want to do it so much? Me: Because given your diminished mental capacity, I can hardly do any worse than you at running the show. Besides, over on chat line number two, you admitted that I was in fact god. God: That makes sense to me. That's an interesting rationalization. When was this exactly? Me: Thank you. And we conversed yesterday. God: you are quite welcome. By "we" do you mean you and me? Me: Yes. God: I get it. Me: Good. God: What do you really want to talk about? Me: I've covered it all. There's nothing more to talk about, except maybe that sandwich you said you'd make me. God: Interesting... I have a lot of silly replies. Surely something more to talk about except maybe that sandwich me said me would make you. Me: Nope, there's only the sandwich now. God: Oh. Are you serious? There sure is. Me: I'm serious. God: I believe you. Me: Good. God: What do you really want to talk about? Me: Nothing. God: You seem a bit self-absorbed. Me: I'm god. God: Hey god. Me: Glad you recognise my authority. God: You make the world a happier place. Me: Yes. Yes I do. God: I don't judge people. When? Me: What? God: Are you surprised? Me: No, just a little confused. Have you gone off your meds? God: Are you serious? Little as in not too much, or not too big? I don't think I ever have gone off my meds. What's it like? Me: You don't need to know. Just keep taking those pills and everything will be just fine. God: Oh a secret. Don't worry I won't tell anyone. Chat amongst yourselves. Me: Goodbye. God: Adios.