Title:		Titanique (with Tom Allen)
Date:		11th April 2026
Author:		Vela025
Catagory:	Trips

My partner and I really enjoy a podcast called "Like Minded 
Friends" with the Tom Allen and Suzi Ruffle. We've seen Suzi a few
times (stand up shows) and have been to the Christmas Podcast 
shows too. So when we heard that Tom had a short run in Titanique 
at the Criterion (London), a show we'd had on our list to see for 
a while, we jumped at the chance for tickets. When booking it 
looked as if we'd struggle to get two seats with good views (it 
seems there are pillars everywhere in the Criterion!), it did 
however look as though there was a box, which worked out as only `3 
more than buying two seats (it was again an obstructed view...but 
that was no different to all the other seats left).

As my partner used to travel in to London regularly he knows the 
tricks for getting the cheap train tickets, so after a bit of 
searching we got a couple of `25 return tickets on the Avanti fast 
train, which meant that we could be at home in the morning to give 
Rufus (our cat) his morning insulin dose and back in time for the 
evening dose. 

And so the morning began with the usual routine, soya latte, feed 
the cat, commence petting, inject the insulin and give him some fish
for being a good boy. Then on to Andrea the chicken get her feeders 
filled followed by workout and shower. As it was a Saturday that 
also meant PANCAKES! After that we were ready for our 10am train to 
Birmingham, in terms of links in the chain this is usually the most 
likely to break as our local rail service is rather hit and miss. 
Luckily today was a good day so onwards we went to Birmingham where 
we had a few min to get train snacks. I once again made the mistake 
of not waiting to go through the train barriers as New Street and 
opted for M&S, forgetting (as I always do) that there is an Upper 
Crust by the platform. Still I opted for Vegan rolls (as in fake 
sausage rolls), BBQ crisps, Spiced Iced Bun and some Percys for the 
theatre itself.

The train journey was uneventful, there was someone sat in our 
reserved seats when we boarded the train but she moved when asked 
to across the isle, only to have to move again when we got to 
International as she was in someones reserved seat (the seats 
are quite clearly marked on the displays as reserved...they even 
have helpful red/green lights). At Milton Keynes after initially I 
was pleased someone asked a man to move his luggage so her friend 
could sit down (the driver had asked over the tannoy that people 
use the luggage racks as it was a busy service but he 
didn't...grrrr), she then decided to stand in the isle next to me 
talking to her friend and another random passenger very loudly. 
Every time someone would walk passed (which was often as it was on 
the way to the train shop) she would move to literally in-between 
my knees and the seat in front...no concept of personal space.

We arrived in London and decided to eat at Vantra, which came highly
rated on a podcast I used to listen to as one of London's best Vegan
restaurants. Handily it was quite close to the theatre. I'll start
with the positives, the menu is all plant based, has a wide variety
and many items that you simply can't get in most restaurants. The
atmosphere and the vibe of the place is nice and it does feel like
a hidden gem in the middle of central London and considering all of 
that the prices weren't extortionate...not cheap but for London not
at all what would be considered expensive. The food I had was very
nice (Sushi Burger) and the salad my partner had was also lovely 
and have some yellow/orange holey fruit in it which was amazing as
were the mushrooms. BUT...the service was terrible. For context 
there were 3 servers as well as bar staff and the chefs. When we 
arrived there were only two tables occupied (a 4 and a 2) both were
finishing their meals. Our menus arrived after around 5 min, by this
time another couple had arrived. 20 min later we're still waiting 
for our order to be taken, however the couple that arrived after us 
were already receiving their meal. After flagging down a waiter he 
then fetched another waiter to take out order. She told us that one
of out items would take a while but we were ok with that. Thankfully
it didn't take long at all. I would avoid the Chai latte,it has a 
rather Earthy taste. A coconut syrup is provided which was 
did improve the taste, although I feel a good chai shouldn't need 
lashings of sugar (however it is disguised as a whole food) to 
improve the taste. Had the service have been better maybe I would 
have left with a higher impression as the food genuinely was nice.
 
Leaving also took an age to get someone to come over to take our
payment, when we did the card machine wasn't working and the 
waitress announced rather loudly "your card has been declined"...
when this happened to both of my cards and both of my partners cards
she twigged it might be the machine as it wasn't saying it was 
declined, it was just doing nothing. When she returned with a 
charged(!) card reader there were no problems. If you're not under
time pressure or happen to get a better waiter then I'd highly 
recommend. As you can imagine we opted to have desert somewhere else
and walked a few feet up the road to the Chinese bakery. 

Next to the Criterion, a lovely art nouveau theatre with ornate
tiling. Each section of tile has a central tile with a composers 
name on it. Constructed in 1874 it didn't appear to have been 
damaged by either the Nazis or reckless city planning (which in my
view are one of the same). The facade "porch" has changed slightly 
but nothing too drastic. The theatre itself is a rabbit warren and 
mainly underground. Due to this it made a great place for the BBC to
broadcast from during the blitz. As we were shown to our box(!) I 
made a mental note of the path as there was no way I'd have been 
able to find my way back for ice cream at intermission otherwise. 

I won't leave any spoilers but the show was great, Tom Allen's 
monologue really stole the show, the majority of which seemed to be
unscripted as we saw it the day before his final performance and he
had the band were in stitches. Our view (as warned) was obstructed 
so we needed to lean forward to see the left side of the stage, but 
still well worth the admission cost. Looking around the theatre 
there are a lot of pillars so I now understand why there were so 
many obstructed view warnings. I think any of those seats would have
had an obstructed view of the centre of the stage.

And thus our day came to an end, we needed to get back to Euston for
the train home, but had some time to kill so popped to Pret for a 
snack and a coffee. We sat outside in the sunshine, there was a guy 
to my right who was coughing up a lung. Unfortunately when he spat
(urgh) the wind picked up and little of it splatted on my hand. We
promptly vacated and I washed my hands. Whilst there I thought it 
was terrible that a worker from Burger King and a Security guy were
forced to wash their feet for prayer in the public restroom and pray
in essentially a small alcove that every one was constantly walking
passed, considering the size of Euston I'm amazed in a city like 
London they think that's an acceptable way to treat their workers, 
facilities really should be provided. Anyways our train arrived on
time but we somehow ended up getting back home 30min later than
advertised.  When we got back we did the evening kitty insulin 
routine (same as the morning one) and crashed out in bed...a great
day.