i----------------------------------------
iDo the Hard Thing
iNovember 08th, 2017
i----------------------------------------
i
iI've been thinking about lessons that I want to teach my boy.
iBoiling down all my experiences and knowledge to some core
iprinciples that I can invest him with to help him in the future is
iboth thrilling and overwhelming. On the one hand, I have a lot of
ispecific things I've experienced I could steer him on, but I think
iit will be difficult to make all the individual stuff stick with
ihim. Instead I think it would be best to focus on principles, like
iliving a life with the willingness to say "Yes!" to new
iopportunites and challenges. That's what led me to the Navy, or to
ithe Jesuits, or to live in Alaska. I think it's an important and
igenerally helpful attitude to pass on.
i
iMost recently I was thinking about an idea I learned as a Jesuit
inovice called "agere contra". It means to do the opposite. In the
icontext of Ignatian spirituality it is making a reference to the
itypes of comfort we experience by doing what comes easy and
inatural to us. St. Ignatius thought that by avoiding these natural
itrappings of "easy" we would be forced to rely on God as we faced
ithe unknown scary things and in doing so become closer with Him.
i
iAs an example, when I started the novitiate, all of the novices
iwere taken around the city to the various apostolates where we
iwould be spending our "working" time during formation. There were
ihospitals, nursing homes, hospice care, schools, food pantries,
iand other various charities and social services. Our novice
idirector told us to thing about the different places as we
iexplored them and to pray on each of them and imagine ourselves
iworking there. Only after we had done that did they introduce the
iconcept of agere contra. The director said, list for me the top
itwo apostolates which are the most intimidating to you, the
iscariest, or the most unnatural to your experience and
idisposition. What are the last choices you would make. And with
ithat in mind, he helped assign us to something hard.
i
iIn my case that meant I worked in hospice care and elementary
ieducation, both of which seemed terrifying. I went on to
iexperience some of the most rewarding months of my life. I not
ionly broadened my exposure to new things, but I also gained
iconfidence in my ability (with God's help) to take on the unknown
iand not just survive, but to thrive.
i
iIn the case of my son, the idea of agere contra might be a little
ibit too complex. Maybe it takes a more sophisticated understanding
iof the world and yourself to put it into action. But there are
iparts I think he can grok even at 5 years old.
i
iDo the hard thing.
i
iThat's the heart I'm working on with him now. I think there's more
iin that idea than just agere contra, too. As we face increasing
ithreats to employment through automation, focusing on doing and
ilearning what is hard is a generally safe way of proceeding. In
iworking in a group, taking on the hard part will instill a valued
isocial skill. Ethically it conditions him to avoid poor choices
ithrough laziness. There's so much good that comes from choosing
ithe hard path.
i
iTurning that lesson inward, I stare at my list of hobbies and
icringe. I flounder and fail to progress because I am lazy and do
iwhichever thing strikes my fancy. I need to be deliberate in my
ipractice or study. I need to do the hard things. Lets see what
iI can do with that principle and some motivation.
i