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iThe Second Punic War
iFebruary 19th, 2018
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i
iI want a war epic made about the Second Punic War. It doesn't have
ito be about the entire war, I suppose, but it must capture Cannae,
ithe rise of Scipio Africanus, and ultimately the salting of
iCarthage.
i
iBack in the day there were rumors of Vin Diesel making a Hannibal
imovie. I'd settle for that at this point. We have movies about all
isorts of random crap!
i
iI let myself toy around with the idea of writing the script for
iabout 2 whole minutes. That was nice, then I remembered I'm not
ia scriptwriter nor have I ever shown any talent or interest in
ithat direction. Nope, I'll settle for someone elses art, thank
iyou.
i
iYou know how the universe sometimes seems to latch on to ideas
iyou've had or talked about and suddenly it's all the rage and you
igot no credit for it, damnit? Maybe this can be one of those
iscenarios. Let's have a whole string of Roman films get made. We
ihaven't had a Caesar movie in a while. How about Augustus? He's
ipretty wild. Or Nero... come on! Someone make a Nero movie. I'm
isure there's enough British pride that we could sell a Cymbaline
ifilm, even. See that... I'll take fringe Romans.
i
iI would very much like something exciting to look forward to.
i
iWell, crap. That sounds suuuuuper depressing. I didn't mean it
ithat way, but then I read it and was like... Ugh.
i
iI've got exciting things to look forward to. At the very least,
ithere's a 40lb lump in the next room who represents about
ia bajillion of those things. But still... I would love to put
ia shining star on top of this excitement tree. Toss a little
itinsel around and stare up at the glory of a god-damned,
imonther-fucking, Ridley Scott directed, Hans Zimmer scored,
iaction-packed adventure starring Vin Diesel and for some reason
iMichael Ironside in a romp across history in the testosterone
idump, "AFRICANUS". (In theaters May 2020)
i