On the Heels of Magellan in Umatac Bay
12 November 2022

Fact: In March, 1521, Ferdinand Magellan, a Portuguese explorer
sailing for Spain, landed three ships off the coast of Guam.  An
Italian nobleman also present on the voyage, Antonio de Pigafetta,
noted that Magellan called the Marianas the Islands of Lateen Sails,
then renamed them the Islands of Thieves after Chamorus in swift proas
sailed out to meet the European vessels and helped themselves to some
of what they found on board. Not to be outdone by a bunch of glad
handlers, Magellan seized the entire island chain in the name of the
Spanish crown.  Take that, canoe boys.

Also fact: In November, 2022, a gringo explorer from Long Island also
traveled to Guam.  He crossed the island's southern flank, arriving by
air conditioned taxi to Umatac Bay, where he met a couple of sleepy
island mutts and took a selfie in front of the bay.  He stole nothing,
seized no land in the name of some distant government, and eventually
went home. Instead of circumnavigating the southern oceans in a state
of near starvation, he flew coach class on United Airlines and enjoyed
a nice chicken salad, suffering nothing worse than some severe jetlag
upon arrival.

Umatac is Magellan's landing spot by tradition only. In reality it may
have been elsewhere and may well have been in Saipan, not Guam.
Either way, the tall, swarthy islanders are nowhere to be
found. Though 700 years later, the Chamorru still wish you adios on
your departure.

Unlike Magellan, who sailed on to visit the Philippines where he took
a poisoned arrow in a skirmish and was left to die by his retreating
comrades, the Long Island gringo hopes to return some day, if only to
go visit those mutts.