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Past Lives and Memories
August 18th, 2021
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Lately, memories of the past 25 years feel more discombobulated. I feel less 
connected to who I was, like more of an observer but remembering as if I had 
woken up from a dream. I've recently started calling the experiences I've had 
my past lives.

This mostly comes from my adulthood experiences. When I revisit my childhood
homestead and the wilderness we still camp in, I feel connected to it in a 
direct sense. The essence of it comes back to me readily. I can see why people
develop a bond and connection to their native land and environment -- that's
what I feel. My environmental activism stems from this connection.

I've lived in a number of different countries and had experiences that would
have been incredibly remote to me growing up. It is precisely those
experiences, and memories of them, that feel dreamlike. When I reflect on who
I felt I was, it's like I was experiencing being a different person -- from a
different life.

Some of the memories come to me like a half-forgotten TV show, flashes of 
images and visual stimulus. Did that show really air? I look through old
photographs, tens of thousands I've taken in the past couple of decades, and
I rewatch those old shows. I lived that life of that person, who was me, and
partly, still is me -- yet, different.

I'm not sure if this stems from the pandemic, the state of the world today, or
it's just a part of getting older and having more experiences behind me now.

How this view affects me is in how I approach the present. I pause a little
more often. I write things down more too. I don't take as many photographs. I
am trying to be more selective with visual imagery. I've felt drawn to doing
more with my hands -- writing, drawing, and making things. I feel an urge to
take up and learn various crafts.

This all ties together for me but I haven't quite connected the dots yet. I
can't quite put my finger on it but I feel like I'm encouraging myself to take
new perspectives on things, looking at my own life from different lenses, and
hopefully, being the better for it.