TEXT View source
# 2023-12-26 - Tantra for the West by Marcus Allen
I found this book at a yard sale. After skimming through it, i saw
that it was relatively light reading considering the subject. I
enjoyed the plain, streamlined writing style. In particular, i like
the deceptively simple exercises in this book. You can find many of
them in my notes below.
The author states that he is coming from a Tibetan tantric tradition,
in contrast to the traditions found in northern India. Wikipedia has
an abundance of detail on the subject:
TEXT Tantra
# Chapter 1: Opening
A good way to define tantra is the union of everything, or the unity
of every moment.
Tantra is a path, a means, to personal freedom. What is personal
freedom? That is entirely up to you to discover and create for
yourself, for freedom is being free to be yourself.
Every moment is sacred, every moment is to be enjoyed and/or used as
a teaching--a piece of valuable instruction, a message--for you to
grow by.
Everything you are doing, have done, and will do are part of your
practice of tantra, for tantra uses every moment as a vehicle to
freedom.
# Chapter 2: The Brilliant Concept of Tantra
The word itself comes from the ancient Sanskrit root word meaning to
weave. Tantra is the stuff of life, the unique fabric of our lives
which we have woven over the years.
Tantra is a way of life which involves acceptance, not rejection, of
all of life. It does not reject anyone or any particular spiritual
path or psychological area of study. It embraces the whole of life.
Everything has its own perfect reason for being.
Tantra teaches respect for the individual, and recognizes that every
individual must evolve in her or his own way.
The practice of tantra involves every moment of our lives. It
involves an acceptance of, and a willingness to deal with, all of our
thoughts, feelings, and actions--both the so-called positive feelings
and the so-called negative feelings. [Pleasant and unpleasant.]
A very important thing to become aware of, whenever you're in an
'unpleasant' place, or confronting a 'negative' emotion, is this: It
is not necessarily the situation itself, or the emotion itself, which
is causing you your problem--it is your own rejection of the
situation, and your own rejection of your feelings, which is causing
the problem to be far worse than it would be otherwise.
## Exercise: Getting Clear
This is a four-step exercise to be done when you are feeling
uncomfortable, emotionally upset, pressuring yourself to make a
decision, or any time you wish to get more deeply in touch with
yourself. Don't skip over any of these steps--especially the ones
which seem insignificant. Do them all:
1) Ask yourself a question which confronts or examines the feelings
you are experiencing. It could be, "What am I telling myself
right now?" or "What is the truth for me about _____?" or even,
"What am I feeling right now?"
2) Answer yourself with the very first words that come into your
mind, without censoring anything.
3) Acknowledge yourself, each time you answer, by saying "Thank you!"
to yourself for sharing these feelings. Then repeat these steps
again, and again--until you finally arrive at an answer which
sheds the light of clear understanding upon your situation.
You'll know when it happens because you will suddenly feel better,
clearer, more aware of your feelings and attitudes, and more aware
of your options.
4) Share your discovery with someone else, within a day or two. Even
if you have to call or write somebody, it is important to share
your feelings and your insight with someone you are close to.
This finalizes the whole process.
This exercise is so simple--yet so powerful! It brings to the
surface all the feelings which we are experiencing on deep levels
that we don't allow ourselves to examine consciously because they're
not 'nice' feelings. Once they surface, and once we accept them,
they lose their power. It is important not to reject these
feelings--by rejecting them, we are giving them power to run our
lives.
# Chapter 3: Affirmations
An affirmation is simply a spoken declaration, in the present tense,
which creates a desired reality.
We have been giving ourselves affirmations all our lives. And others
have been giving us affirmations all our lives. The only problem has
been that we have not been consciously aware of the process and the
power of affirmations, and so we have affirmed a lot of things which
we could do better without.
Anything you say or think to yourself is an affirmation. Anything
anyone else says to you is an affirmation, if you accept it. Our
subconscious minds accept it all--whether for better or worse.
Affirm what you know to be true in your heart, and you will create
that reality.
Through our words and the thoughts behind them, we are continually
giving our bodies operating instructions. By being observant, we can
become aware of this process.
The simplest way to do affirmations consciously is just to say them
to yourself, either out loud or silently, whenever you feel like it.
Especially say them to counteract any negative thoughts or words you
find yourself thinking or saying. This is not a tool for
repression--allow yourself to have any thoughts and feelings you
have--don't reject them--and yet, give yourself the time and energy
to affirm a more desirable reality after you have experienced and
explored your so-called 'negative' feelings.
Make the affirmations in the present tense--even if it seems
unrealistic.
Another powerful way to do affirmations is in the relaxed state of
mind and body which is often called meditation.
## Exercise: Meditative Affirmations
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and affirm, silently to yourself
as you exhale, "My body is now relaxing." Take another breath and
affirm, as you exhale, "My mind is now relaxing." Take one last deep
breath and affirm, as you exhale, "I am now letting everything go."
Then choose any affirmation--any instructions you want to give your
body and mind, anything you wish to create. See it happening here
and now as you say your affirmations. If excitement and enthusiasm
arises to support the affirmation, all the better--the stronger the
feeling, the sooner the reality you wish to create manifests.
Say each one repeatedly, until it feels good to you. Try these and
see how they feel:
* I am deeply relaxed...
* I am strong and healthy...
* I am open, I am free...
Feel yourself being relaxed. See yourself strong and healthy. Feel
yourself open and free.
Choose any other affirmations you wish to work on, and repeat them,
many times, until you feel sure that your subconscious has
unquestionably gotten the message. Picture yourself as having
completely fulfilled the affirmation.
Enjoy yourself--don't work too hard at this. Have fun with your
creative imagination.
Take a final, deep breath at the end of your meditative affirmations,
and affirm:
"This, or something better, is now manifesting, for the highest good
of all! So be it! So it is!"
Now return to your waking day, fully relaxed and refreshed,
recharged, able to effortlessly accomplish whatever you want.
* * *
The measure of an affirmation's success is whether or not it soon
manifests in your world. ... the results should become clearly evident
to you in a short time. You should be able to feel the change. If
the results aren't happening, it is only because you are affirming
something else on deeper, perhaps less conscious, levels which is
creating something contradictory to what you are affirming
consciously.
Writing affirmations and their responses is the best way to [explore]
this.
## Exercise: Writing Affirmations
Take a notebook. On one page, write "Affirmations" across the top.
On the next page, write "Thank you!" across the top. The begin
writing your affirmations on the page headed "Affirmations." Put
your attention into it; pour your feeling into it. You want to be
self-sufficient, or beautiful, or whatever--and the truth of the
matter is that you deserve it, so you might as well create it for
yourself.
Keep on writing the same affirmation, and keep putting your full
attention on it. Soon you will probably notice some kind of inner
resistance popping up--some words you are telling yourself [affirming
to yourself] on deep levels. Whatever they are, write them down on
your "Thank you!" page. On this page, you are encouraged to voice
all of your reactions to your affirmations.
After writing your affirmation 10 or 20 times, you may have 10 or 20
or 30 comments on your "Thank you!" page. Look at them
carefully--these are the things you are affirming to yourself on
deeper levels which are creating your present reality. Sometimes
these negative affirmations dissolve as soon as you look at them. At
other times, you may have to create new affirmations for yourself
that are especially designed to counteract what you have been telling
yourself.
Do this daily, if necessary. Break down your resistances with more
affirmations. When you finally get to the core of your
resistance--to the "biggie" which you are holding onto, the one
terrible thing about yourself that you haven't dared to admit even to
yourself--when you finally find yourself writing it out on your
"Thank you!" sheet, you'll feel something releasing in you. Then
find the affirmation which deals with it directly and releases it for
all time from your consciousness. You'll find yourself feeling
wonderful. Now you are coming into your own power. Now you're not
limiting yourself any more. You're free to be who you want, and to
create the life you want. It is your birthright.
* * *
... there are many types of affirmations which need to be supported
by and completed through a very mechanical series of actions in the
world.
Keep doing your affirmation, and it will become clear to you what you
need to do.
It is a startling thing for many people to realize that we create
what we want. We may not be creating what we think we want, but in
fact we are creating that which we want on some deep, perhaps
subconscious, levels.
Affirmations work only for the good--that is, the highest good of all
concerned. If anyone wishes to use these tools... at the expense of
another, they will create problems for themselves. If you have even
the slightest feeling that what you're affirming may not be the best
thing for you, or for someone else, finish your affirming with the
words, "This, or something better, is now manifesting for the highest
good of all concerned."
I'll close this chapter with mention of a particularly powerful
affirmation for people in the world today:
"_____ comes to me, easily and effortlessly."
Often, one of the largest stumbling blocks in the way of attaining or
accomplishing something, especially our most cherished dreams and
goals, is that we're trying too hard.
Life does not have to be a struggle.
# Chapter 4: Relationships
Our relationships with others--both casual and intimate--give us a
constant, truthful mirror of ourselves.
An honest appraisal of our relationships can provide us with some of
the best material we have to help us grow.
It's important to realize that, in our relationships as in most other
areas of our lives, we're free to create whatever we desire. We can
have any kind of relationship(s) we want.
Most of what follows focuses on intimate, personal relationships.
But the same principles apply to all relationships: friend,
parent-child, boss-employee, coworker, neighbor, etc. Many people
who are unhappy and lonely, in fact, have more success in creating
the kind of perfect relationships they want if they first start with
getting more satisfaction from the friend and coworker and other
relationships they already have, and then go on to focusing on and
creating an intimate romantic relationship after they have a little
practice in being a good friend.
## Exercise: Personal Inventory
Sondra Ray, author of I Deserve Love, uses a process in her workshops
that is very startling and eye-opening for a lot of people:
Make the following lists across the top of a sheet of paper:
* What I want
* What I have
* What I really want
Under "What I want," list what you want--in your relationships, in
your life in general.
Under "What I have," list what you have at present.
Then, under "What I really want," also list what you have at
present--because we have already created in our lives what we have
really wanted.
Some people may feel this isn't true, because it often certainly
doesn't seem to be true on conscious levels of our awareness. But on
deeper levels, it is completely true: we have created for ourselves
exactly what we have wanted and what we have felt we deserved; we
have created for ourselves at present what we feel we are worthy of.
But we deserve better things--so let's start creating some better
things!
First, we need to focus on the inner planes--purely within ourselves,
within our beliefs and imaginations. Once we do some inner
investigation and work, we'll focus on the outer plane, which
involves our actions in the world, with our partner or partners, and
with everyone else we relate to.
It is very important--essential, in fact--for us to create a clear
picture or idea of what we want in relationship, and to affirm that
it is so. Look honestly at what you truly want. Imagine it clearly
in your mind's eye. We must first create in our thoughts and
feelings those things we wish to create in our lives.
As soon as you are ready for relationship, it happens. Then it
becomes something to skillfully manage on the outer plane as well as
the inner.
## First Key To Relationships: Communication
The key to successful relationships on the outer level can be given
in one word: communication. Communication simply involves sharing
your feelings--giving other people your honest feedback, both
positive and negative, and receiving feedback in a way which is
beneficial.
We simply hear what they're saying, we realize that there's some
reason for them to be telling us those particular things, and we
accept what they're saying and agree to look at it. If, after a
while, we feel that they're being accurate, we acknowledge that,
thank them, and see if there's some way to improve things. If on the
other hand we feel, after some quiet introspection, that their
communication was not useful, we simply let it go, without blaming or
judging anyone in the process.
Our friends, lovers, bosses, parents, children, and everyone else we
encounter often mirror us, and give us valuable instructions which
can help us uplevel the quality of our lives if we're open to their
communications--if we learn to listen, and stop denying, defending,
and beating ourselves up with what they're telling us.
## Second Key To Relationships: Negotiation
Another essential key to successful, supportive relationships is
contained in a word which some people have difficulty relating to:
negotiation. True negotiation is the art of creating win-win
situations. If either person in the relationship is not winning,
that is, not getting what they want and deserve, then the
relationship is not working.
Often this frustration can be dissolved with a few simple
conversations in which each person communicates as clearly as they
can exactly what they want in the relationship. Then the other
person responds, saying from their heart what they feel good about
giving. It is often necessary to work out a compromise, but it is
far better to compromise than to spend years trying to get something
that your partner doesn't feel good about giving.
Keep focusing on the fact that it is always possible to come up with
a creative solution which will give you both what you want. It may
be something you've never done before, but there IS a creative
solution. Or, one or both of you may choose to end the
relationship--that too is a possibility. Separation is sometimes a
much better choice than years of frustration.
## Dealing With Conflict
1) Stop. Take a breath. It takes two to tango, but it takes only
one to stop.
2) Give your partner the time, space, and encouragement to totally
express their feelings. Listen to them... don't interrupt them...
don't even judge them... Just give them the opportunity to express
themselves, completely. Encourage them to say what is on their
mind, even if it makes you furious. Wait until they have had
their say, and tell them, "Thank you for sharing that with me."
3) Now it's your turn to express your feelings. Be sure that it is
clear with your partner that you want them to give you the space
to let out all your feelings just as you have let them do. Tell
them they must not interrupt but just listen to what you have to
say. They'll get their chance to respond. Don't try to edit or
censor or soften it--jump into the center... and show your partner
your deepest feelings.
The next step depends on how effective the last two have been. If
you've both said it all, you'll notice that the charge between you
has dissipated, because you've released a lot of 'stuff' you were
holding onto. But if one or both of you still feels agitated,
repeat steps 2 and 3 again... These steps have been effective
when you begin to feel calmer and closer than you were when you
began.
4) Next, ask your partner what they want from you. Give them the
time, space, and encouragement to tell you exactly what they want
and need from you. Listen and remember.
5) Then, tell your partner exactly what you want from them. Be open
and honest. Spell out what you want and need. One way to get
into it, if you have difficulty doing it, is to play a little game
with each other, in which each of you spells out your 'ideal
scene' if you could have the relationship exactly as you would
want it in its most ideal form.
Now comes the final step: the negotiation. Negotiation is really
the essential basis of every relationship: we are together because
we have some reason for being together, and that reason involves
giving something and receiving something from the other person.
If the relationship isn't working smoothly, it is because the
agreements haven't been spelled out clearly enough. You can call
it 'making agreements' if negotiation is not the right word for
you.
If this exercise does not work for you, if repeating these steps does
not clear the air and resolve your feelings, you may need to seek a
counselor or a skilled facilitator to assist you in learning to share
your feelings in an effective way.
Enlightened relationships are... a win-win proposition. Everybody
wins, nobody loses.
Be creative--there are no set norms or forms that you have to follow.
# Chapter 5: Sex
How do you feel about sex? How have you felt about your sexual
relationships? Answer these questions honestly to yourself--the most
important first step is just to be totally honest. Do you feel
guilty about anything? Take some time to examine that one--guilt is
a very popular state of mind in our culture today, unfortunately.
Practice seeing the beauty in everyone... and the beauty in
yourself...
Every lover, every friend, everyone you meet, even everyone you see
has their own unique beauty... their own unique spark of the divine
which they reflect.
Can you see it?
Every lover you've ever had and ever will have has been a divine
being, in their essence, in their true being... Can you see it?
Their bodies are miraculous creations of a loving divine force, and
by loving them you have united with that force... And the most
beautiful part of all is that the same is true for them, because they
see the divinity in you.
# Chapter 7: Work
Look at your beliefs about work--are they limiting your personal
freedom?
Examine your beliefs and understand that they can be changed, if you
find that you have beliefs (even deep, core beliefs) that do not
serve your highest purpose.
The single, most powerfully motivating force which keeps many people
in jobs they dislike is insecurity--fear of not having enough, fear
of not making it without working that job. Remember that when you
are following your intuitive guidance and acting for your highest
good the universe will always take care of you--you will always have
enough.
Most people work in order to survive. And this takes so much time
and energy that they neglect their deepest desires and their greatest
areas of creativity. By focusing primarily on your short-term
needs... you can lose your long-range sight.
Start instead by focusing on your highest purpose in life, your
deepest wishes, your most exquisite dreams. Then find or create work
which is in alignment with these things, and you will find that the
details of your life will start to fall into place as you align
yourself more and more with your highest purpose. This can take some
time to unfold, but it is a journey well worth making.
Some people have difficulty discovering their highest purpose.
## Exercise: Your Ideal Scene
Take a sheet of paper, if you are alone, or sit down with a close
friend. Pretend that you are suddenly five or ten years in the
future, and that you have managed to create everything your heart has
ever desired for yourself. Allow yourself to be completely fanciful
and unrealistic. You have succeeded beyond your wildest dreams.
Describe where you live, what you do, how much money you make, what
kind of relationships you have, etc. Be as thorough as you can.
Play with this, just like a child plays at being what they want to be
when they grow up. If you could have been anything you want, what
would it be?
Have fun with this exercise. Allow your fantasies to wander, and
explore all kinds of different possibilities, if you feel like it.
This isn't just child's play--it could have a very concrete effect on
your future.
Now that you have explored your ideal scene, now that you have taken
your dreams out of the closet, you are in the right state of mind to
phrase--in a short, simple paragraph--your highest purpose in life.
And you have the proper perspective to sketch out both long-term and
short-term goals for yourself.
## Exercise: Highest Purpose In Life
Take a sheet of paper and write, "My highest purpose in life is..."
and complete the sentence. Use no more than one short paragraph to
express what it is. Of course, it will be in broad, general terms.
Then, under that paragraph, list every goal--both long-term and
short-term--which is in alignment with that purpose, which helps to
further that purpose.
Some will be very general, some more specific. Underneath the
goals--perhaps on separate sheets of paper, if necessary--list the
immediate steps necessary to accomplish that goal.
Every broad, general purpose can be broken down into a series of
general goals. Every general goal can be broken down into several
specific goals. Every specific goal can be broken down into specific
steps necessary to accomplish that goal.
You can always change or delete your goals, if and when you feel like
it.
Once you have your highest purpose and your goals clearly listed in
front of you, you are in a much better position to determine exactly
what you want to do with your valuable time and energy than you were
before. This is the key to finding what has been called 'right
livelihood' for yourself--that is, work which is in alignment with
your highest purpose and your goals. This is the only kind of work
which will be deeply satisfying for you. This is the only work you
will have the kind of energy for which will cause you to truly
succeed, in whatever ways you wish. It may require a leap of
faith--in fact, it probably will--but you will never regret making
it.
It is important to see, too, that whatever you are now doing has its
own perfect reason for being, and can be satisfying in its own way.
Enjoy your work--regardless of what you are doing, and regardless of
whether or not you desire to be doing something else. You'll
discover all kinds of new rewards when you're able to do this.
# Chapter 8: Money
## Exercise: Money Is
Take a piece of paper, and at the top of the paper, write "Money
is..." and then underneath, list everything--good, bad, irrelevant,
weird, embarrassing, whatever--that comes to mind about money. List
the things you've heard about money. List the things you tell
yourself about money. Just take 10 minutes, and you'll probably get
all the "biggies" down... or take a little longer if you feel like
you're avoiding something.
Money in itself is nothing at all, except what we make of it.
In itself, it has no value at all, but is simply a medium of
exchange, a convention set up to assist people in trading one thing
for another in an efficient way.
# Chapter 9: Creativity
Our culture is very progressive and successful in some ways--and an
abysmal failure in others. One of the greatest failures of our
educational systems involves creativity. [Basically, the schools
stifle and destroy childrens' natural creative genius.]
There are many ways to unlock the creative genius within you. One is
by remembering and reconnecting with the fantasies, dreams, and
activities you experienced as a child. Children know exactly where
their greatest creative power lies. What did you dream of doing and
being? What did you actually do when you were young? Remember it,
connect with it, and act on it.
Another way to open up your creativity is to tune into your deepest
dreams and fantasies that have kept surfacing for you all your life.
What creative things do you imagine yourself doing? Don't
underestimate the power of your fantasies and daydreams! Within them
is the power to create whatever your heart desires.
What is blocking your natural flow of creativity? For most people,
the greatest obstacles to creativity--and to personal freedom in
general--are the internal and external judges we have created for
ourselves, and the negative self-image which these judgments have
produced.
Another great and unnecessary obstacle is the fear of failure. There
is no such thing as failure anyway: every 'failure' is merely another
lesson to be learned on the way to your success--if you see it that
way. The trial and error process is our natural process of growth...
## Exercise: Fifteen Minutes
Take fifteen minutes (or, if that's too confronting, take ten, or
even five) to give yourself some time to open up your creativity.
Just decide that you'll spend this time doing something new and
creative, something you've dreamed of doing, perhaps, but somehow
have never gotten around to doing it. Just sit there, and do
whatever pops into your mind. Give yourself total freedom to do
anything...
# Chapter 11: Meditation and Yoga
Meditation and yoga are excellent for you--physically, emotionally,
mentally, and spiritually--but, like everything else, they too can
turn into addictions and other neurotic behavior. Don't ever put
yourself down because you can't meditate or you aren't meditating
enough or you missed your yoga session. That's using a good tool for
a bad effect.
# Chapter 15: Freedom
## Exercise:
As yourself, "What is it about _____ that need to understand?" ...
In the blank space, insert the title of the chapters of this
book--relationships, sex, being alone, work, money, creativity,
aging, politics, etc.--or any other areas of your life which are
there for you now to deal with. Look at every answer that surfaces
for you.
Then ask yourself, "What is it about my _____ that is teaching me to
be free?"--inserting the same word in the blank space.
Repeat the questions, and allow yourself to absorb whatever answers
come up for you.
This exercise--simply though it is, for anyone--can tune you into
your intuitive teacher. It is usually better to ask yourself
questions, rather than asking other people. Who knows you better
than yourself?
author: Allen, Mark, 1946-
HTML detail: https://www.powells.com/book/tantra-for-the-west-9781608683420
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tags: book,conflict resolution,non-fiction,self-help,tantra
title: Tantra for the West
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