Personal Rants (2024-01-30)

I decided to use this blog for a kind of self-therapy, because

* No one I know will ever read it – they don’t have a clue about gopher/gemini/etc.
* I don’t have anyone to talk to
* Sometimes I feel better when I write about this.

First, let me make one thing clear: I am aware that I am in a privileged situation.
Nevertheless, it makes me unhappy.

For about 4 years I have been in an unhappy relationship – moving in with this woman
was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made; she does nothing when it comes
to cleaning, cooking, shopping for groceries etc. which means that I need to do all
of that, while working for 45 hours/week.

In one part she is lazy, but she is also severly depressed, so I can blame her only partly.
She currently goes to therapy, but to me it seems that her therapist does not *really* help
her, but instead frames everything in her life in such a way that it is never her fault
and that she did everything perfectly; I base this on my impressions on what she told me.

I moved in with her because I was stupid, love-blinded and never had lived with a woman
before, even though I am 35 now. So on the one hand I think it is good that I finally
head this experience, but on the other hand I think the worst part was that I did not insist
on us getting a cheap apartment that anyone could pay on their own, when the other one
moves out – instead we now have an expensive one that she never could pay for with her job.

All this struck me particularly when one of our friends, a nice woman, told us that she
"finally" found a boyfriend – I have known her before I got to know my current girlfriend,
and I would much rather be with her. So that makes me very sad and I don’t know how to better
describe it.

I just hope that I can get out of this relationship in time without putting to much stress
on my girlfriend, given that she already goes to therapy to treat her depression; but I don’t
know how.

tags: personal-rants