(pandemic talk and general blargh feels below, feel free to not read
if you wanna avoid bad vibes)

Well, it's new year's eve. Somehow this holiday always ends up being
fairly shitty. I have plenty of reasons to be in a bad mood. My
partner was supposed to be back home yesterday but their brother
procrastinated making the drive so now they won't be back home until
late tonight *and* their brother probably has COVID now and is
probably spreading it to my partner. I'm ridiculously angry about it
and there's nothing I can do. Their brother refuses to get vaccinated
and is pretty irresponsible, so it's safe to say getting COVID is his
own damn fault, but now it's my partner's problem (and my problem, and
our roommates' problem, and the university's problem...). Also their
brother is a terrible driver so they're basically fearing for their
life for the 7 hours it takes to get up here. I am really just hoping
that they get here okay.

I'm just angry on someone else's behalf and there's nothing that I can
do. Maybe someday I'll learn to deal with other people's upsetting
situations in a way that doesn't completely destroy me, but eh.

In positive news I guess, I finally scheduled a therapist
appointment. I procrastinated for months, so none of the people I
originally wanted are accepting new clients. The person I'm going to
is basically random, but they seem nice enough. I don't care
anymore. I just need to start this thing. And if it doesn't work,
I'll... I was gonna say give up, because that's what I feel like
doing, but that's also what I'm trying to avoid. I don't know. I'll
figure it out.

I've also been feeling some anger towards the American health care
system lately. I hate seeing everyone I love either drowning in
medical debt or not getting the care they need because they can't
afford it. What a hellscape. I'm grateful to have health insurance,
but basically everything is 100% out of pocket anway. Filling out
forms for therapy intake sucked because there was this giant section
of "hey, if you do this through insurance, they probably won't cover
any of it, and also we have to give them lots of your personal
information, oh and also even if we decide on the right treatment for
you, your insurance company can decided that you don't need it and
refuse to pay for it". What a fucking nightmare.

Sorry this wasn't a particularly uplifting feels, I just... The feels
aren't good today, friends. Not good at all. I'd like to do something
to get in a good mood, but there isn't really much I can do. Just let
things blow over and deal with them as they come. Seems to be all life
really is these days. It'll work out. I just gotta get to the other
side of this.