- I can't sit in silence and enjoy the quiet in my house with my dog because
  when it is too quiet my dog can hear the dust particles stirring out in the
  hallway or whatever the fuck it is his deranged little superhuman doggie
  ears can hear and it stresses him out to no end and he just walks around in
  circles muttering and cursing to himself, punctuated by sudden bursts of
  screaming into the air which scares the shit out of me and jolts me
  violently away from whatever it is I'm trying to work on. So instead of
  enjoying the peace and quiet, I have to walk around and turn on all the fans
  and little white noise makers there are in the house to deaden his hearing
  and now it's loud as fuck but that's the way it is because only one of us
  can be comfortable at a time, and now that he's relaxed and licking his
  balls and his asshole I'd sneak up behind him and just scream for no reason
  if life was fair to see how he likes being scared out of his skin for no
  reason by a sceaming mammal when he's trying to work on something. But that
  would be psychotic of me, to scream at a dog licking his balls and asshole
  for no reason, so I'm just going to sit here in the deafening white noise
  and eat some god damn ice cream and dream of silence.

- lol somebody trying to call me on my phone.      ⊂_ヽ     ___
  short of showing up to somebody's literal house 　 ＼＼ _|   |_ don't
  calling somebody on the phone is the most obnoxious    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ever
  way to say, Hey I need you to drop everything and　　 >　  ⌒ヽ
  give me your undivided attention because what I 　　　/ 　 へ ＼
  have to say is vastly important and utterly     　　 /　　/　＼＼
  crucial. Like, no dude. Get yourself in line    　　 ﾚ　ノ　　 ヽ_つ
  with the other 11 thousand things I need to do  　　/　/  call   /
  or which I don't actually need to do but which  　 /　/|  me    /
  remain legitimate drains on my attention        　(　(ヽ.      /
  nonetheless: send a text or an email so I can   　|　|、＼⌒   /
  observe, orient, decide and act and prioritize  　| 丿 ＼  )
  your demand on my time and attention. For       　| |　 ) /
  example, right now it is way more important      ノ ) 　Lﾉ
  for me to record a feels on this topic and      (_／
  draw a sassy little cane and hat man to illustrate how cavalier I feel about
  your assessment about how important *your* message should feel to *me*.

      Unless it's a phone call from somebody I know and care about of course.
      No this rant is reserved for unknown numbers. They can fuck right off.