Today was harder than I anticipated.

When I got to work they made me walk back outside, wait in line and prove that
I worked there by badging in (again). Comically, the door took ages to close so
even getting through 5 people a while to get inside. It felt like salt in the
wound. I was snarky to the security guard, and that energy kind of stuck with
me through the day. I felt red hot today. Easily pissed off by the bullshit we
are all going through. I probably took it out on my coworkers today a bit too.
I definitely shouldn't do that. They are dealing with it too. Last thing they
need is some asshole acting angry all the time.

But I should forgive myself. Because I am grieving. This is hard. And its ok to
feel.

Some good stuff happened today now that I think about it.

I started seeing a therapist and it went really well. I felt comfortable
opening up to them and I think they will be able to help me out. They are also
connecting me with an MD to figure out some meds that may work for my ADHD.
Fingers crossed.

Also, my mom texted me some rudeness ontop of my already really tough day. My
gut reaction was to text something rude back which would have been inline with
my anger outbursts from the rest of the day. But instead, my wife helped me
make the right choice of putting my phone down and going outside to jump rope.

I am proud of myself because I really want to work on my impulsivity and this
really worked, made me feel so much better and make the right decision.

Tomorrow will be another hard day. But instead of trying to do more I am going
to try and do less.

Goodnight