Kaz was right yesterday (contrary to their expectations, I did
read that :P ). I need to think about spiritual beliefs in a lot
more depth rather than a passion-dive like I learn most things.
I've got a lot of thinking to do and honestly I'm still torn
between my current beliefs and the ones I'm considering. It's
messy and I wish I could just pick a middle ground where both are
okay at the same time, but one strongly discourages the other and
that doesn't work. And it feels wrong to pick and choose, you
know? I don't feel right taking only the parts of a religion that
I like and not the ones I don't, especially when said religion is
also explicitly against people doing that. I don't know what to
make of it and I think this is something I'm going to be wrestling
with for a good while.

Let's see, other life news... still trying to make a desktop
wallpaper that I'm happy with. Getting closer, but it's still not
right. I want pretty but not distracting, which is a surprisingly
hard balance to reach. The last one was very close but I was bothered
by the circles I put in the foreground. People kept asking if clicking
them did anything (which might be a neat project, but not something I
would use). I need something like that, but without something that
sticks out so much that people ask if it's clickable. Something to
keep playing with until I get it right I guess.

Lots of anxiety recently, probably because of a mix of spiritual
questioning and social things (no one on town, don't worry, it's a
friend on Discord that has us a bit tense). And not having a huge
project to plug away at. Trying to come up with something new to
program, and I still need to add one or two things to PluralNotes
when I have the energy/motivation to ram the brain in that direction.
I should make that Pacman game, but I still feel like I'm not ready
for that, so another Python project first. I want to play with ncurses
or non-terminal GUI, figure that out. I kind of want to make a "texting"
application for plural folks since that's been a comfortable means of
communication for us (pseudo-texting). It would be a good way to figure
out how to store conversations and things like that, too. I don't know
what good practice for that is, need to do some research on it.

It's horribly smoky here. The air is bad enough that outdoors events are
being cancelled. I hope it doesn't get in the house like it did last year.
That was uniquely hellish. Our lungs like to freak out over irritants to
begin with and it feels horrible to breathe outside right now.