this last week i swear. so i have two main topics and one subtopic first, on monday a dog showed up in our neighborhood in the morning. other dogs were barking, he was running around, normal stray dog stuff. about two hours later still around. my roommate and i were going to go get breakfast, but since nobody had yet claimed the dog or was doing anything, we took him to the vet to check for a microchip. Nothing. (no collar as well). Took him back, put out some water cause he was probably thirsty, and left for breakfast. maybe 2 hours later we get back home and hes just sitting on our porch. So long story short, we have had a dog for the last week and i have thoughts. first, i don't want a dog. I think I'm good. sweet friendly boy but shoot, i do not feel a thing and find walks annoying. second, and let me say I condemn animal abuse in any form, but its not as surprising to me now. its very easy to forget about a dog in another part of the house. particularly if he is already trained not to bark. right now he has been in our garage, and we hooked up a radiator on high to keep him warm. we have gotten him a rope toy, treats, chew toys, and he goes out for a walk twice a day. its not ideal, but this is a temporary moment in his life, not unlike staying at a shelter for a short period. what i'm saying is the distance between a normal person and immoral acts is not as great as one might think. its like walking to the edge of a cliff and peering over. you think, "oh i could never" when you're on stable ground, but up there, head over the railing, it becomes a possibility. anyway, we have a foster program coming by today to evaluate the dog. fingers crossed hes gone by wednesday. ===== Next topic. This week I went to an ambient show. The performers are veterans in the local music scene, and the spot is pretty well regarded as a venue. I have been there a few times before, but years ago. I wanted to (a) try to get back into going out again, after all this pandemic stuff, and (b) I'm developing my own live set thats ambient-ish, so I wanted to make my face known, somewhat, to the venue and other folk who would be there. the show was...well I guess i like ambient music more when its performed than a recording. ambient records are too slow for my adhd. i need something to latch onto. when its live you can see what the performers are doing and decipher the sounds that are happenong because of those actions. mostly. three acts, a solo and two duos. the solo act is a local guy who again, been in the scene since before 2014 I assume. He has done teaching events, etc etc etc. Typical sound arts dude. He performed on a Crystal Bachet, which he built himself. He also used an Electro Harmonix Hog pedal (I think), and a laptop, which managed loops, I think. It was good. you could see him move his hands and hear a new some come through. it was also like half an hour (after starting half an hour late). The sound also, because of the hog, kinda just turned into the timbre of an organ, so sonically it was i think less impressive in that respect. I would have preferred something that brought out the unique tones of the intrument more, but whatever. Such a sound in isolation would have been boring probably. the next set was a duo from ohio, dulcimer and guitar noodling. also good, but the mix was garbo. I don't know if it was all the delay pedals, or what, but I couldn't hear the dulcimer at all. it also started to sound like the bass in the room was too much. Anyway, they played two songs, again half an hour. it was a lot, but it was pleasant next duo were back to local veterans. 7 or 8 pieces of equipment, a Moog Prodigy, Elektron Octotrak, barp 2600, and some other stuff. definitely the most sonically diverse of all the sets, but here again we see there was something wrong with the mix. waaaay too much bass everywhere, I couldn't hear much else when so many things were going on. the moog was all but inaudible, the rest of the instruments just sorta became a wash of sound, outside of this FM Bell type thing. my watch had broken (because of the dog) earlier that day, so I couldn't tell how long exactly their set was, but it was between 30-45 mins, all unbroken. a little exhausting. overall though, it was a good local show. I know where I am, I know whats what. I don't expect these folk to blow me away as nice as that would be. it was worth going out and I'll probably go to another show when those folk are playing. Maybe. I'd like to see a different set, and I know the first act has been doing the bachet business for over a year now. it does give me confidence in my own live set. I am structuring actual songs, which I've never done before, so I know how long my stuff will be, but it also wont be aimless noodling the whole time. I want to tell a story for my own sake. I could be like "i don't want to sound like other acts" but no, really, I just want to have a cohesive experience, with proper delimeters to give listeners a break, space to breathe, opportunities to be surprised and engaged. I find my own music tiring if I let it go on for too long. I'm not trying to do that to 20-30 people at a time. ---- subtopic, I met someone at the show. I happened to sit next to them because reasons, and we got to talking and they were pretty dang chill. they work in the industry, bartending at a few places training to be a tattoo artist, the usual. i'm interested, but my better judgement reminds me that I'm 33 now, and they just turned 25. as cool as they are, i don't want to gain that kind of reputation. there are already enough things to step around and be aware of (and to their credit they were very open and upfront, and i returned that respect), but that seems like a line i can't cross, not without a lot of preparation. but yeah, definitely thinking about it. but also I'd just like a friend, someone to hang with, introduce me to people cause i don't know anybody these days, get food with now and then, talk about movies. etc. I'd like to have that. I'd also like to cuddle and touch and be touched though. so i dont know. i do know, a little. i don't think i'm going to pursue any kind of romantic thing, and likey not a sexual thing. those two realms are (un)fortunately tightly coupled in my mind, so i can't just do one without the other. but i mean, i've quit smoking and eating meat. I have it in me to not act. the other part is I am way too old to be out past midnight. i didn't have a lot of social energy before my 30s and its not like its gone up since then. i doubt i'd be able to keep up with someone who has to close a bar once or twice a week. not to mention i live on the other side of town, so thats 20+ minutes just to hang, and a 20+ minute drive home on the highway. we'll see. they said they would reach out, so i'll wait. I'm also scoping the local shows regularly, so I'll be checking if they are showing up to one or not. ======= oh also, i didn't see anybody else at the show with earplugs. y'all. please. anyway, i hopefully will have a live set prepared by march i guess. with booking lead times maybe I'll perform in the summer. I wanted it ready by last month but I pinched a nerve in my back twice in november, and that set all my projects back 2 weeks, and ruined any momentum I had for anything. its been slow going getting back up to speed. not to mention times be stressed anyway. anyway. I wrote this all out because its been too busy this week to talk to anybody. and i hate that, but whatever. maybe it'll change.