Moles                                                         06/13/24
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I have a  neighbor who is particular about his  grass. Around here, we
have moles, and  if you know about them, you  know they destroy lawns.
And so, it naturally follows that he is an expert mole hunter.

His method is simple: He goes outside throughout the day and checks on
mole activity.  If any of it  approaches the front lawn  (he lets them
have the back yard, as a concession) he waits until the activity is in
a new side tunnel. Once he knows  that they're in a side tunnel (a new
branch in  their larger system),  he cuts a  small hole and  inserts a
garden hose.  He then turns  it on, and  like magic the  mole surfaces
through the  ground for air. At  that point, it's the  classic game of
whac-a-mole.

He  has explained  his method  to  me a  dozen times,  and shared  his
triumphs  when his  exploits have  saved his  yard and  mine from  the
invaders.  I should  note here  that I  don't particularly  care about
grass or lawns, but  I do care about my neighbor.  As our yards touch,
any  threat  in my  yard  is  a threat  to  him;  so, I've  given  him
permission to  hunt on my  property, as it were.  When he gets  one, I
celebrate with him, as a good neighbor and friend should.

Lately, there has been a mole attack  on my front yard. The battle has
been staying  on my  side of the  line, but my  neighbor has  seen the
danger and  has been  patrolling. Last  week he  had success,  but the
combatants were more than one, and the onslaught has continued.

Today  as  I  went to  check  the  mail,  I  saw some  new  hills.  As
instructed, I went and tamped them down with my bare foot (you do this
so you  can track activity),  when low and  behold, a crack  pushed up
from one  of the newly tamped  spots. I have received  my training and
knew what this mean: the mole  was active. I scanned his tunnel system
(well, the  evidence I could  see of  it) and noted  that he was  in a
new  branch; but,  he  was quite  close to  two  exits going  opposite
directions.

It was less than  ideal, but I decided that I'd test  the theory of my
neighbor's method.  I grabbed the  hose and shovel, pressed  the steel
head gently into  the earth with my still bare  foot, and then reached
in and felt  for the hole. Finding it,  I cleared it out as  deep as I
could with my hand (recall, I had tamped it down), and shoved the hose
in.

The water  flowed for  about twenty  seconds, bubbling  up out  of the
earth  in a  slow muddy  fountain, before  the tiny  nose of  the mole
surfaced. Moles are cute,  at times; but all is fair  in war. A single
whac from  the edge of the  shovel, which sloshed in  the turbid water
and didn't quite feel like it would be enough, sufficed. I scooped him
up and  walked to the  creek behind my  house, where he  was deposited
(this was the final step, per my neighbor, to ensure their demise).

Before you go thinking my neighbor or I are monsters, I should mention
another thing about him: every time  he tells of his method, or shares
his victory, he always mentions that, "the poor things can't help it".
He's quite sorry,  apologetic even, for all of his  successes. I'm not
sure if  I feel  entirely the way  he does,  so I am  maybe more  of a
monster than he is,  though I only have one notch  in my shovel handle
(metaphorically speaking; it's fiberglass).

And so,  there you have  it. My  meager confession, and  a reassurance
that the front lawns are safe, for now.